The Cripple Alchemist
by Gohan4
Summary: Why Mustang no longer celebrates April Fools Day. First one-shot. Based off of thethreephilosophers abridged series.


**Hello! Here's a little one-shot I thought of after watching thethreephilosophers FMAB Abridged series, which I LOVE!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the epicness that is FMA. Its owned by all the lucky people in Japan, Hiromu Arakawa, and the lucky Funimation.**

**The Cripple Alchemist**

"MUSTANG!" Edward Elric's voice screams as the door of the office of the Flame Alchemist was burst open by the angry golden-haired shrimp.

(Forgive me, Ed! Don't kill me!)

"Yes?" the black-haired colonel, who was doing paperwork, replies, looking up at the door, and his angry subordinate.

"What is this?" Ed exclaims angrily, stomping over and handing his superior officer a piece of paper.

Mustang reads over it quickly, then hands it back to his subordinate. "Its a mission: go do it." he replies, going back to his paperwork.

"No," Ed exclaims, pointing to the top and middle of the page. "It says CRIPPLE ALCHEMIST. I'M THE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST, BASTARD!"

Mustang laughs. "Ah, I totally forgot!" he exclaims, getting up and walking over to his office door, which now had a small dent. He fixes his sign on the outside, then returns to his desk.

"Today is National Prank Day!" Mustang exclaims happily, Ed sweat-dropping.

"No its not," Ed replies.

"Yes, it is!" Mustang exclaims proudly, striking a very odd pose.

"Sir, its April Fools Day," Hawkeye interjects, placing some books on the bookshelve near Mustang's desk.

"That's the same thing!" Mustang replies, a defeated look on his face. He sits back down at his desk, resuming his 'work' face.

"And, what's so special about this 'April Fools Day'?" Ed asks, Mustang and Hawkeye both laughing.

"You must've been lucky these past few years, Ed," Mustang replies to the golden-haired boy, who frowns. "Every year, the State Alchemists go by the name that would fit them. Like, for Major Armstrong, he goes by the Vampire Alchemist, at least, this year he does."

Ed's brow furrows. "Vampire?"

"Supposedly, there is this huge fandom about sparkling vampires. And since he always has that weird sparkle, it just stuck I guess," Hawkeye explains.

"And I decided to call you the Cripple Alchemist because of your limbs," Mustang says with a smile on his face.

Ed becomes furious. "WHAT?"

"Sir, isn't that crossing the line?" Hawkeye asks, Mustang thinking about the thought.

"Yeah, I guess," Mustang says, thinking of another name. "Then, how about the Small Alchemist? Tiny Alchemist? Oh, even better, SHRIMP Alchemist!"

This causes Ed to blow his top and start off another famous 'short' rant. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT WHEN THEY GO TO THE BEACH THEY SINK INTO THE SAND AND WHEN THE TIDE COMES IN THEY DON'T HAVE TO WORRY BECAUSE THEY CAN BREATHE OXYGEN ATOMS THROUGH THE WATER!" he shouts.  
"Hpmh, you really are something, Shrimp," Mustang says, starting to grin, trying to hide his laugh, knowing it tortured his young subordinate.

"Your the one to talk, Useless Alchemist," Ed replies, thinking of the idea off of the top of his head.

"H-Hey! I'm not useless!" Mustang exclaims angrily, Ed starting to grin as the tables suddenly turned.

Mustang gets out of his chair and reaches towards his subordinate, who dodges and high-tails it out of the office and down the hall.

"FULLMETAL!" Mustang exclaims angrily, chasing after his subordinate.

"I thought I was the Cripple Alchemist!" Ed's voice responds, angering the Flame even more.

"Come and get me, Useless Alchemist!" Ed continues, sticking his head around the corner of the hallway, sticking his tongue out, taunting his superior officer.

Mustang spots Ed, who quickly turns and starts running after the teen. He turns the corner, and suddenly...

Water splashes into the Colonel's face, causing his uniform to become wet, as well as his alchemy gloves.  
"Hah! I should call you the 'Wet Match Alchemist' now!" Ed exclaims gleefully, knowing that he had won this fight.

And that is why the tradition of State Alchemists donning better-suiting names on April Fools Day was ended and never celebrated again by Roy Mustang.


End file.
